It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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