I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
