its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
