Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
