No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
