this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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