Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you never un-have a 4some
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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