eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
