just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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