Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
