I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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