He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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