2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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