I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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