Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
