Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
