I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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