The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
