i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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