So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
