i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
