new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize