no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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