we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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