it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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