I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize