I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
