you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dignity is for republicans.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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