worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
