Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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