Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
