I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
