I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
