She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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