ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
