Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
