hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
