I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
