Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize