i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
