If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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