I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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