somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
