can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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