just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
