I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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