Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
