I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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