respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
