Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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