i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
