Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
tell me about the fingering
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