so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
