What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
