i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
