I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
