So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I would fuck him just for his dog
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
