My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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