we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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