Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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