The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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