FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
