is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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