you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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