She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
