this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
