i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
