She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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