Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
