What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got inside last night via doggy door
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
