I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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