I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
