Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
