"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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