we have pet lesbian snakes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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